I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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