Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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