Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize