I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
