he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize