I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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