Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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