Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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