well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
