The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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