I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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