oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
