This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize