Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
