you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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