This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
