I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
