UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
