where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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