I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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