Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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