Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
