i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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