So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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