And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
