I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
