If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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