Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
