I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
