I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
