You smell like stripper and shame
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
