Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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