is your mom at the bar?
That's intense
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize