I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
