You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
