im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
