just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
