At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
