i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Randomize