I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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