just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
