Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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