You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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