Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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