Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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