I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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