I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
