Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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