I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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