Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
