Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
