She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
