he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
