I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
