i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
