yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
