...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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