i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
