That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
