Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dear god my vagina.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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