It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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