I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
