Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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