My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
