oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
